Set An Open Course
Terri and I did this as we felt there were things that needed saying but since we didn't see any sense in dragging it out, it's short. Thanks, Terri!--Maer
The reception over, the decisions made ... Nika needed to see their girl. She asked for a quick lift out to where she'd set the Equinox in the drink. Rina'd been on board for several hours already, cussing under her breath. The blonde, however, finally quit walking the deck and went out onto the beach to sit in the sand and look at the ship. She was still sitting there an hour later when Rina's voice came through her comms asking where she'd gone.
"I'm out on the shore. Join if you like."
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Sunday, 20 Jun 2523
Twenty Miles out from Jibril, Angel
Kalidasa (Xuan Wu) system
Noon
I cut the channel and stared at the console for a minute, then figured I'd bitched enough over the general cussedness of things. Take a break. Keep this up and you'll give yourself an aneurysm. I tried not to dwell on the reasons behind the damage. My heart was sore enough. I quit the engine room and wished quitting my sorrows and regrets were as easy.
The tide was out and the water was only knee deep. I pulled my boots off and hung them around my neck by their laces and rolled up my pants, then sloshed out to the shore where Nika waited for me.
Too late, I realized that wet skin and dry sand were a messy combination. Resigned to putting up with it, I parked my butt on the beach next to Nika and leaned back. The season was summer but on the coast the weather was balmy and it was pleasant to sit outside, not the torture it would be deeper in-country.
"What's up?"
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Sitting on the sand, Nika was barefoot as well. Her pants were rolled to her knees, her feet sandy. There was a hint of red to her skin where her shoulders have been exposed to the sun for the past hour or so. "Not a thing," she admitted. "I'm sittin' here lookin' at her... and trying to sort things through." She slanted a look at her engineer and grinned a little. "Feels like we've gone full circle in some ways, don't it?" The drawl is amused.
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Meaning Miranda, of being marooned there for four months as we made repairs. Of living on the edge of anticipated Reaver attack. At least we got that last part out of the way up front. Pain over Mike stabbed me again, maddeningly fresh despite constant repetition. I closed my eyes to the sun and the waves and tried to not to think on it.
"Full circle and then some, yeah." I opened my eyes and slanted a look at Nika. "What's on your mind?"
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Nika shook her head, her blue eyes skimming across the silhouette of the ship on the sandbar and then out to the horizon. "Just ... thinkin' how the more things change the more they stay the same." She was quiet for a long time, and finally she said, "I'm more sorry than I can tell you about what happened. I've been going over in my head... could we have made other choices and changed his outcome?" There is regret in her expression. "Don't know if we'll ever know that answer." When she turned her head toward Rina her gaze pinned the newly married woman. "And the what-ifs'll kill you ... and kill what you have with Joshua ... if you let them. Don't."
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"I know," I said. "I promised him months ago to keep Mike outside of us. So far, I think I've managed. This ... death ... however … It's—Don't get me wrong, Nika. I'm crazy in love with Joshua. But this is going to take some time. And as for what I could have done to have altered the outcome?" I sighed and regret stabbed me again. "Don't get me started. If I had done things differently five years ago, I would never have met Joshua, you and I would never have been stranded on Miranda together ... Yeah. Don't get me started."
In truth, it was too much to take in all at once. The unexpected arrival of Mike, his Reaver condition, the Battle Royale with Joshua ... all of it. Too much. In retrospect, it was a good thing Joshua insisted on waiting a few days to hold the public ceremony. It had given me enough of a breather to get a grip. And now having gotten a grip, I had to deal with the baggage and stow it.
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"It always takes time," Nika agreed quietly. "Do you think I don't still wonder about Brian's situation?" She looked back out over the water. "Every day of my life I'll wonder if I could have changed it. But I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that there isn't ever a right answer. You can only do the best you can with what's in front of you."
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"True," I said, steering toward something less painful. Please God, yes. Less painful. "So … Onward. What are your thoughts on going Merchant Marine? Any ideas? worries?"
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Resting her elbows on her upraised knees, Nika considered. "I have worries," she admitted. "Shyla ran Harbinger a lot like a navy boat, with some differences. I'm not sure I can enforce a rank structure on the lot of you. It's already something like herding cats. I'm hoping we can keep on as we have been unless someone higher rank comes aboard. I'm worried what could happen if someone who DOES rank higher'n me comes aboard and thinks they're going to order the lot of you around." She grimaced. "By agreeing to this, we are agreeing to subject ourselves to an authority above our own. So yeah... I'm worried."
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"Military's nothing new to me. I can toe the line. It may surprise you," I added, slanting another look at my captain. "When I was a lifer, I took less cat-herding. It'll be a relief to go back to that, actually."
It would. It felt odd going semi-military after going years without it, but I couldn't deny a part of me craved the structure of it. The boundaries it imposed lessened the amount of detail-tracking I felt compelled to do, giving me permission to leave things as needed in other people's hands. Because I had a crap-ton on my plate to deal with already, the extra structure would help rather than hinder my dealing with it.
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Nika laughed quietly. "You're not the one I worry about," she confessed. "Anyway, it is what it is. Y'all said you could handle it, the expectations are pretty clearly laid out in my opinion. So... we'll go from here. If we gotta opt out, we will."
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It was on the tip of my tongue to caution: Some things you can't opt out of, because some things will never let you go. But I managed to keep it behind my teeth. Nika didn't need me suggesting worst-case-scenarios. Her own imagination was sufficient for that task, thank you, and as Captain, one could say it was her job. She wouldn't need or want help from me.
"When do we report for duty?" I sat up and spoke to the ocean, unsure of how what I said next would be received. "Could I beg a week's delay? You know I'd be content if it were a working honeymoon, but for Joshua's sake, I'd like it to be more romantic. He's had so few nice memories as an adult, it seems unfair to deny him a chance at this one."
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Nika had to laugh. "You'll get well more than a week, darlin," she drawled. "That ship ain't goin' anywhere for a while. And you and Joshua have someplace to be anyway." She leaned sideways and pulled a piece of paper out of her back pocket, handing it to Rina. "Gotcha a wedding present."
On it were coordinates and dates. It was a good hour or more by air down the coast.
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"Oh, Nika...," I breathed, surprise and gratitude welling up in my chest even as my eyes filled with tears. "Is this what I think it is?" I had briefly scoped out the options prior to the wedding but as usual, I'd failed to anticipate the possibility of actually attaining one.
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There was a grin. "Can't have a proper honeymoon with all of us shoutin' atcha to keep it down in there, can ya?" Nika teased. She looked back out over the water, seeming soothed by the surf. "I think y'all should get the hell away from all this and just be together for a while. We ain't goin' anywhere til our girl's ready to head into the Black again."
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"Thank you," I said, my voice going thin. I hugged her hard, hoping it could say everything I could not.
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Nika reached up and hugged her tightly, a lump in her throat. Rina'd gone through so much in the past week, and Nika wouldn't wish what happened to Carter on her worst enemy much less a man who'd once been in the right place at the right time to make her own life a little better and the woman who loved him. When Rina sat back down on the sand with her, Nika was content to leave the silence be.
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I could guess what she was thinking. It was there in the tenor of her touch. There was so much I wanted to say to her but no way to say them without pain. So I held her tight until the urge passed and my heartache eased enough to dare let her go. I put the precious slip of paper in my chest pocket and sat next to her on the sand, soaking up the sun and the silence, and let the breeze carry the need for words away.
Go to Nika's Crew Page or Rina's Crew Page
Go back to: Season Seven, May 2523 --
Go to EPISODES or TIMELINE
