Waiting For Perfect
Sunday, 02 May 2523
Firgin class Lagniappe
St. Petersburg, Russian CPE
Sihnon, White Sun (Bai Hu) system
2330 hrs, local time
Lagniappe rose off the tarmac and when we were twelve feet off the ground, I shoved Anna out the airlock. "Da svidanya, shliushka bitch!"
Whap! Quick as a striking snake my mother's hand smacked my head and I slammed the hatch shut and turned around just as quick. "She deserved it, Mama." Stinging inside and out from the slap, I silently added, I hope she broke a leg.
Of course, there was the usual business of securing our passengers for the ride and it took a few minutes before the topic of Nikolai came up. Let me say here that I should have known better than to expect good news: our op had run relatively smoothly and had I been thinking straight I would have taken it for a bad sign. But no. I had gone forward with the others, trusting in Joshua and Arden's success and so the news that Anna had sent him to the Elect completely cut me off at the knees.
Dear God, I could barely hear Nika telling me not to give up, couldn't feel Joshua's hug before he turned away to take care of my family. All I could think of, all I could feel, was my failure to save my brother. Anger, despair, self-hatred—I couldn't breathe past the scream building inside me, clawing to get out. I beelined for the engine compartment so I could swear in peace. And cry where no one could hear. Stupid, stupid, stupid, paranoid idiot! You botched it. Six months. We were on Persephone six months ago. Why didn't you go home then? You could have saved Kolya before his tongue slipped, saved Mama and Papa and Grisha …. Just six lousy months. Six cào nĭ mā months!
No one knew where Nikolai was now. Based on Joshua and Arden's findings, the Tower never held prisoners and kept no records of them. Like a stage magician misdirecting the audience, Anna had used the Black Tower as a distraction while she shuffled the prisoners out of sight into the Elect. Omar knew of the program and what he'd told us on Persephone was horrific—made moreso because we'd already found too much evidence that such a thing was possible. My memories of Arden's bar code tattoo and extra pineal gland, of Mike rendered helpless by Chempliant, of Valerie Samson wet-wired into an assassin-puppet, of Joshua's abilities as a Reader and Borrower, the Stitches on Pericles Station, the Hunters on Beaumonde, even the Reavers on Miranda were all were sign posts on the road to hell, with humanity being driven there by omnipotent moral busybodies convinced their tampering was justified by reasons that only they understood. Those reasons had ruined Mike, had created Joshua and Arden, and had stolen my youngest brother. There was a chance that Nikolai still lived, but it was slim to nonexistent that he remained self-aware, his old self intact. From what Omar showed us, men and women were subsumed by the process and came out vastly different. Did they retain their memories and personalities? There was no knowing. There were no reports of the victims ever being heard again by their families and friends. I saw again the liquid grace of the Hunters that Blue Sun had sent after us under the streets of Beaumonde, saw again their inhuman speed and stamina. I still bore the scars of that encounter, effaced by Kiera's skill with the knife, but still there. Not that I needed a reminder how incredibly wrong the Hunters were. And now my brother was numbered among them.
Lagniappe needed no help from me and Nika was wasting no time getting us out of atmo for Equinox. I braced myself with a hand to either side and knowing the noise wouldn't make it past the compartment door, I finally let myself grieve for Nikolai, for my parents, and for everything I'd lost waiting for the perfect moment to come home.
---
The minute he finished getting people settled in Lagniappe, Joshua knew where he needed to head. He was probably somewhat perfunctory with their passengers (way to alienate your in-laws!) trusting Kiera to be able to keep them company while he sought out his fiancée. He knew how Rina thought, or at least he was egotistical enough to think he did. She wouldn't be able to take happiness from the success in saving her family. At least not right now. She would be berating herself for what she *didn't* accomplish... where she failed.
Nikolai.
Thankfully, Lagniappe wasn't a big ship and when he found her, he closed the compartment door behind him to give them what little privacy was available. Without saying anything, Joshua just wrapped his arms around Rina as she cried for Nikolai. Words would come later. Right now, he just wanted to be there with her, let his presence serve as reassurance and comfort.
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The compartment door had no lock. There was nothing to keep anyone from coming in and finding me. When Joshua walked in I didn't resist but let him pull me into his arms and hold me. I didn't waste his time trying to explain or justify why I wasn't with the others. For some things there simply weren't any words. So I soaked his shirt and rocked with the action of the shuttle as Nika flew us home.
HOW TO SPEAK RUSSIAN[edit]
Da svidanya = до свидания = dah svee-dahn-yah = Goodbye Sound clip
shliushka = шлюшка = shlee-oo-shka = slut Sound clip (Click on the backtranslate button to see the word in English)
HOW TO SPEAK CHINESE[edit]
cào nĭ mā = 操你妈 = tsow nee mah = fuck your mother Sound clip (click in individual characters, then the arrow button to hear them)
Go to Joshua's Crew Page or Rina's Crew Page
Go back to: Season Six, Aug 2522 to May 2523
Go to EPISODES or TIMELINE
