Forgotten Freedom:4001 4500

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4101. ...Demonesses only like paladins. 4102. NO Lisa wouldn't be up for it! 4103. And you couldn't film it anyway. 4104. It's wrong to play Graazt cards for your soul. 4105. Because it confuses the Hell out of him when you cheat better than he does. 4106. V, stop questioning Tiamat why she's Lawful Evil when her Red Head is dominant and they're Chaotic Evil plus she's insane with five personalities.... 4107. No it's not bad, just tacky. 4108. Zugummi is not to be harvested for pennicilian on this ship Andrea... 4109. I don't care if we're critically low! 4110. When fighting Mesphisto, we cannot rely on the help of the Silver Surfer... 4111. Or Adam Warlock... 4112. Okay, maybe Spiderman. 4113. No Andrea, I can't explain to you why we're encountering a bunch of D&D monsters from the Great Wheel Cosmology in Xoriat, many whom have Lawful Evil alignment. Maybe it's just because it's the Plane of Madness! 4114....or the DM bought the Book of Vile Darkness 4115. It's not funny to mock the Lord of the Nine trapped in a block of ice. 4116. Especially by using an ice pick to hold a margeritta party around him. 4117. Willy Wonka is not a Daelkyr. 4118. Despite the fact that we're clearly currently surrounded by Oompa Loompas. 4119. And that we got here because we found Golden Tickets in Chocolate Bars... 4120. And that movie IS very scary. 4121. Oh crap, it's Gene Wilder! RUN! 4122. No, Jonny Depp's Wonka won't show up. 4123. Because he optioned playing ME for the movie. 4124. What do you mean Tim Burton directing us explains a great deal? 4125. No V, Alan Moore won't like you if you meet him in person. 4126. He doesn't like any adaptation. 4127. V, you are forbidden from blowing up Baalzebub's perfect city JUST when he got it right.... 4128. Again. 4129. Where DO you get all that dynamite anyway? 4130. Oh right, sulphur and charcoal are everywhere here. 4131. It is wrong to stiff Charon the Ferryman. 4132. ...even if he's fallen for it every time thus far. 4133. It is wrong to have our remaining Ninja Jaela bless the River Styx.... 4134. Because apparently it works and there's now Nine Layers of Hell extremely brassed off at us. 4135. It is wrong to shout to every Balor we pass by "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" 4136. ....and then lead them over cliffs.... 4137. BECAUSE THEY HAVE WINGS STUPID! 4138. Admittedly,they do seem too stupid to use them. 4139. ....we were THIS close to getting out of here and you had to pray to the Lady of Pain? 4140....Sigh....Andrea, help put Bruce Ki's skin back on. 4141. It is wrong to taunt Elminster in Hell. 4142. V, what have I said about taunting Tiamat? 4143. I don't care if you're really curious about whether she and Takhasis are the same goddess! 4144. It is wrong to play Queen of the Demonweb Pits here.... 4145. I don't care if Lolth's stats are ridiculously low and you could all off her by yourselves. 4146. By the way, its wrong to mock Drow as "Stupid Goth Wannabes" when they're from other settings than Eberron.... 4147. Even if they are. 4148. It is wrong to ignore the howling hosts of horror beyond time in order to play Silent Hill.... 4149. I don't care if its more atmospheric! 4150. It is wrong to nuke Great Old Ones.... 4151. I don't care if its answering an Age old Question Ketler! 4152. V, let it go...that Alu Fiend wasn't Natalie Portman.... 4153. WHO LOOKS NOTHING LIKE JAELA 4154. The Dark Eight should not be told they sound like a wannabe Metal band.... 4155. Nor should they be convinced they should BECOME a wannabe Metal Band. 4158. ...and it is very wrong to sell them fake recording contracts. 4159. Ketler...what are you going to do with the souls of Eight Pit Fiends? 4160. Will you guys stop playing Nintendo and get serious for two seconds?!?! 4161. No, you cant do Body Shots off Lisa! 4162. Marish is more than game for it, though. 4163. Will someone kindly tell the pilot that he has his map upside down? 4164. Oh, for the love of Whiskey, Ill do it myself. 4165. Despite the similarity in both color and taste, the moonshine is not Warforged lubricant. 4166. But it does make a good cleaning solvent. 4167. Pholly, Plan B is not 'twice as much alchemists fire as plan A'. 4168. Okay, Im revoking your Alchemists Fire privilages, Pholly. 4169. Lisa, will you whap some sense into Pholly, please? 4170. We will no longer be showing any more Romero movies. The necro chick likes them a little too much. 4171. We dont want to give her any ideas. 4172. I realize its too late. 4173. We dont want to give any DMs any ideas, either. 4174. Has anyone seen my keys? 4175. When in the plane of Madness, be sure to keep hands and legs inside the airship at all times 4176. The bard is NOT allowed to sing the Madness Combat song here. 4177. Andrea is not allowed to recreate scenes from George A. Romero movies 4178. We still cant get the stink out. 4179. We are not starting a rock band 4180. If we were, I'm lead vocals 4181. I am storing the ninja Jaelas we have left in a special area. 4182. If I find V there, I'm letting the Jaelas kill him. 4183. Norbaz, repeat after me, "Canibalism is our last resort, not the first" 4184. I dont care how good the ninja soup is! 4185. Hmm it is good... 4186. The warforged is not an emergancy break 4187. Unless we really need to stop 4188. Or we're drunk 4189. It is wrong to tell the warforged! 4190. Michael, stop calling yourself, "Michael McCellan, human succubus relations." 4191. And stop bragging about speaking perfect Abyssal... 4192. It is NOT the language of love 4193. Orcus is not your copilot. 4194. Our copilot was just eaten by the 'Colour from Outer Space' 4195. No, I didn't colors were carnivorous either. 4196. The Colour didn't have a name in Lovecraft's time. 4197. It's called "Fuschia" now. 4198: Do not try to get the Daelkyr to do Ren interpretations; "It is not I who am angry, It is I who am MAD!" 4199. Do not ask the Daelkyr if you could have some "Male Enhancement" symbionts. They've probably got one, but it must hurt like the Fury... 4200. What would it even do? Shoot acid? 4201. Daelkyr do not go "Ho HA!" 4202. In reference to 4201, Do not ask the Daelkyr what a symbiont does. They will explain in detail, with Demonstrations. I think it was Pholly's most embarassing death yet...

4203. no Marish you are not allowed to have "pet" black tentecles 4204. and i'm taking away your wand of Evard's 4205. There shall be no roasting of Lumis (party bard) over the silver flame. 4205. Pholly was not named 'Kenny' in a different reality. 4206. You dont have to shout "Oh, my God. They killed Pholly!" every time Pholly dies. 4207. Its not much of a shock at this point. 4208. Betting on how long Pholly lives this time is discouraged. 4209. Unless the captain gets a cut. 4210. Norbaz, Maccaroni & Cheeze does not need 'the soul of a ninja Jaela' as a secret ingredient. 4211. Michael, the cure for a sore throat is not "a shot of booze and a quick slice across the neck" 4212. NOBODY is allowed to put waffles in the haunted toaster. 4213. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT USING WAFFLES?!?!?! 4214. FOR THE LAST FREAKIN' TIME 4213. None of the crew are allowed to tell prospective crew members what we eat, apart from "food". 4214. Stop eyeing Squishy hungrily, we've still got plenty of Jeala cuts left. 4215. We do not enjoy eating our fellow humanoids. 4216. It is wrong to tell the Paladin this. 4217. squishy has said many times his kind are not edible, he knows this from experience 4218. Stop telling the newbies that squishy is edible. 4219. Norbaz, stop trying to deep fry Squishy! 4220. And stop telling the dwarf lady Squishy is an ingredeant for soup. 4221. Do not refer to the warforged as Anchor or Emergancy Break 4222. When its nearby 4223. I know, i have used it as a anchor on several occations 4224. What do you mean I didnt tie it to the ship?! Who asked you?!?! 4225. V, if you are doing with those clones what i think you are, KEEL! 4226. Anyone who tells V what the "Secret Ingredeant" to the meals are gets the keel. 4227. Ketler, why are you trying to awaken the keel? It's seen so much gore i dont want to know how it will turn out. 4228. No, Bruce Ki, Awaken is not the opposite of a Sleep spell... 4229. There isn't a elf with the Obese flaw flying around Eberron giving out gifts 4230. If there where, we would have to find him, kill him, and steal his stuff. 4231. Hm, sounds good actually. Who has divination spells? 4232. I am not this Santa Claus you keep talking about. 4233. However we will tell the paladins this so we can climb down chimneys to loot stuff from houses with her permission. 4234. We will not climb down the pontif's chimney to kidnap her. I think the paladin would be clued in to our intentions. 4235. Do not take the warforged or tell the warforged about our illicit activities. 4236. Lisa is no longer allowed to look at rules 4232-4236. 4237. I would like to remind the crew this festive season that the following substances are NOT an ingredient in eggnog: Dreamlily, Black Lotus Extract, Jeala cuts, Carrion crawler brain juice, alchemist's fire, Inflict potions, Vilestar, alchemist's frost, anything else that makes the Detect Poison spell go "PING!", vampire blood, shoe polish, Squishy, Squinty, Pholly, any other crew members (ex-, dead, alive or not alive (as the warforged)), Michael's spit, catnip (unless Marish adds it herself), chewing gum... punch, troll guts, troll fingers (especially the kind that regrow into whole trolls its only funny the first fifty times), mummy dust, anything smig or chalky won't eat, anything the warforged won't put in its mouth 3 times, anything pholly thinks of, anything the ithillid has handled, the aboleths mucus, squinty's glasses, anything smig wants to put in, chicken soup, sweaters,... anything that you have to buy in a dark ally, or back room, from a shady chactor, or another member of the crew, if you think you should ask then no you can't add it either, if you think you shouldn't ask then it's forbiden as well, any substance that starts with alchemists, no you can't make it with Raptorien eggs, dragon eggs are ok... 4238. Pholly is hereby forbidden from storing his alchemists fire next to the booze. 4239. We are not RPGA-sanctioned. 4240. Would you sponsor us? 4241. I thought not. 4242. The druid is forbidden from trying to Awaken the spam. 4243. Its just not right. 4244. Spam is an abberation, after all. 4245. I must not offer an Illithid some escargot. 4246. A Disenchanter is not a good pet. 4247. Despite being a boost to morale, I must stop putting 'Kick me' signs on the captains back. 4248. And I certainly cant put a sign on his back that reads "ask me about my bounty" when in public. 4249. A Warforged Repair Kit is not a good Christmas presend for Merrix d'Cannith. 4250. A note reading "IOU One Brain -Soveregn Host" is a good present for King Boreanal. 4251. Dont worry, he wont figure it out. 4252. Due to last years problems, we are not allowed to send presents to Jaela. 4253. I should know better than to ask, but, why is the tree still there and when are those lights gonna get taken down.

4254. I'm not Chris Kringle either whoever the hell that is.

4255. St. Nick? not on this ship sucker. 4256. We hog-tied the last Saint we met, shoved him in a closet and impersonated him to get close to Jaela, remember? 4257. It is wrong to tell Lisa this. 4258. It is also wrong to talk about destroying or stealing her hammer... 4259. ...unless she's definelty out of earshot. 4260. Smig is smiling that can't be good. What ever it is its on the list.

4261. That goes double for the wild-mage (remember him?) 4262: Stupid is no longer to be keelhauled. He may actually take the keel seriously. 4263: A new punishment for Stupid is to dropped in a pit of rust monster blood. That'll teach him. 4264:Suggestions are welcome on new ideas to punish Stupid for being stupid. 4265. Possesion of any of the following beverages is a keelhauling offense: Aereni Skullwine, Zilargo Tri-Chambered Alchemical Cocktails, Zilargo Four-Fold Khyber Shard-Bound Elemental Cocktails of Arcane Supremacy, Bottled Dreams, Dryad's Blood, Goodfellow's Boon, or Slag Gin.

4266. Although we could use some of those Sober Pills...

4267. And I'm liking the sound of Liquid Keelhauling...

4268. Starting from now, Liquid Keelhauling will replace the normal kind.

4269. The Keel was complaining about being used to inflict pain.

4270. Speaking of which, awakening parts of the ship is now a liquid keelhauling offense. [1]

4271. No, you may not challenge Michael, Doog and Hoybee to a drinking contest within the same week. We simply don't have that much booze, except on Dol Dornmass.

4271. I will not forget about telling the idiot crew what they cant do. 4272. I blame the Liquid Keelhauling. 4273. You are not allowed to use a loop hole in Sharn tax laws to make a profit from theater that loses money. 4274. We're pirates! We don't pay taxes! 4275. You can't use the scam 4273 to try to make the worst show ever. 4276. You cannot produce the play "Spring time for King Kaius" 4277. You cannot call him King Elisabeth Kaius. 4278. He is not decended from a long line of Fey Queens. 4279. We are pirates not producers! 4280. nor will we use it the make shows based on children's games. 4281. You can't involve Vol in any event. 4282. Because it's Vol, not Boll. 4283. You can't involve this Boll person either. 4284. Unless is involves liquid keelhauling. 4285. I would like to remind the crew that I am the Captain and Pilot, and we are not piloted by some stowaway girl from outer space. 4286. There is no such person as this "Slip", and absolutely no substance to the rumours spreading that she is the one flying this ship. 4287. The fact that we consume enough food to explain an addtional person is beside the point. Doog must be stealing seconds. 4288. And you all saw me flying the ship into Xoriat! 4289. That no-one appeared to be piloting us through the tricky bit on way out is completely irrelevant! 4290. No, Slip is not batgirl.

4291. Godsdammit, there is no Slip. (Cold orb smacks captain in face)

4292. That was not the signal to start a snowball... wait where did the snow come from... aww who am I kidding.

4293. Norbaz whenever the troll-gut ropes start growing limbs giant-goulash is on the menu.

4294. Seriously where did they get enough snow for ice forts.

4295. Chalky we've talked about this a million its all on list, so why did you set stupid in arctic cammo. Yes I know it makes him invisible in the snow, but why is that a good thing. 4291. Regardless of the ship's current uncertainty on the issue of this "Slip" girl, there is no such thing as Schroedinger's Airship Pilot.

4292. No, Doog, there is not a dagger in my back because of "quantum." There's a dagger in my back because you threw it at me!

4293. Teaching Doog intelligent-sounding words is now a liquid keelhauling.

4294. Because I really didn't need to hear the term "red giant" from him. Bad mental image.

4295. The same holds true for Stupid.

4296. You know what? Stick to monosyllables.

4297. Err, I mean "No use big words. Use small words so Doog and Stupid no sound like wizards."4298. With anyluck we can get them down to pointing and grunting so we dont have to hear them talk. 4299. Not that they were far from it to begen with.

4300. Slipping Queen Aurala a liquid keelhauling is...

4301. Ah, hell, I wanna see it too.

4302. No, your shadow isn't stalking you Pholly.

4303. And no, I don't know why your alchemy gear is missing.

4304. I guess divine justice.

4305. Lisa, we don't need an excorsism of the ship. It's just your imagination.

4306. And the overpowering evil comeing from everyone else on the ship

4307. Lisa is forbidden from reading 4306 and telling her her of it is punisible by liquid keelhauling.

4308. Just because we have people to cast Knock and Detect Secret Doors, as well as red shirts to activate traps, doesnt mean rogues are useless on the ship.

4309. We still need human/gnomish/shifter/etc. sacrifices daily!

4310. If we find a rod of wonder, if ANY of you touch it, 5 liquid keelhaulings!

4311. We are not a rock band.

4312. Esepecially one called "Dragon Mark o' DETH!!!"

4313. Devon would not be lead vocals, as I hate his sappy singing.

4314. I so would be lead vocals!

4315. And Andrea, Marish, and Lisa would be the barely, if at all, clothed back up dancers!

4316. But no mystery filled adventures where we unmask people in lame masks who pretend to be monsters to drive people away!!

4317. Er... if we did that, that is...

4318. No, there is noone steering the ship while I'm doing this! Especially anyone called Slip!

4319. Er... it's flying on it's own, out of controll.

4320. Who said that on it's own is better then me?!?! 4321. I don't care if you already have fur. You will wear the sweaters. Heatstroke or no.

4322. John that nice lady went through alot of trouble to make a sweater that actually fit you. Poor norbaz has been using his as a sweatband. So wear it, I don't care if its fuschia.

4323. Anyone who tries hug a member of the crew gets to clean the privy alone. Bring an axe.

4324. Never allow the ship to run out of of these, chickens and and yarn for the nice dwarf lady (especially considering what happened last time), living redshirt decoys *ahem* crew, Booze for everyones' illusions of sanity, chalk seriosly we need something to keep that berserk changeling distracted so he doesn't spend all his time growing natural attacks and hunting the the abberation in charge of the pay roll, and finally if we ever run out of liquid keel haulings the person responsible gets to be pholly's bodygaurd for a week.

4324 b. And they get their pay docked every time Pholly dies. 4325. Wearing the sweater is mandatory, even if it doesn't fit and/or your body is not the right type for the sweater. 4326.  :coolcthul is wearing his! 4327. Kelter is not allowed to invent anything that has to do with sweaters. Ever. 4328. Do not tell n00bs/Stupid they can fly if they throw themselfs off the ship and miss the ground. 4329. Until BEFORE payday! 4330. Don't tell King Steve of Breland he can do this either. We still have Darklanterns on our tail from the last 4 times... 4331. Don't remind Hunter, Jacob Hunter about that either. 4332. You are forbidden to actually succede in the "Fly by missing" manuver.

Dropped objects have a range increment of 50ft. after 250ft its considered an indirect hit. 
You have to hit an AC of 5 to hit the ground. 
It receives the normal -2 per range increment. 
It also gets a -4 to attacks because its an improvised weapon. 
The creature gets penalties depending on its maneuvrability: -2 average, -4 poor, -6 clumsy. 
If it misses it applies the same miss rules for a thrown weapon. 
Jumping presumably gives you clumsy maneuverability (-6). You could jump from a 200 ft. high building or airship (-9). 
As a human cleric with the luck domain and 10 strength, you have BAB +0 (total -16 against AC 5) and can reroll once per day. 
This means you cannot hit AC 5 except on a 20. If you roll 20, reroll. If you manage to roll a 20 again (0.25%), die. 
Otherwise, you have managed to throw yourself at the ground and miss, which means you end up flying.

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