Forgotten Freedom:3501 4000

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3601. Why is smig running around in deer shape with his nose painted red?

3602. For crying out loud i'm not santa.

3603. Ketler isn't Santa either.

3604. Especially not to get Jaela to sit on his lap.

3605. There is no santa on this ship.

3606. I’m getting that blood-eh Crossbow, you got that!

3607. No, ah will not shoot my eye out. And stop calling me “kid”.

3608. It is not funny to dare the redshirt to stick his tongue to the metal bands on the mast when is freezing out.

3609. Ok yes it is.

3610. Whoever started in with these “carols” is getting that tree shoved up their bum… sideways….ornaments and all…I don’t care if squishy IS still tied to it

3611. Seriously though guv, why IS there ah tree with ornaments on the deck?

3612. Its a great place to hide contraband goods that we're smuggling! 3613. Due to last week's "Incident" only those who have a high wisdom score and are spell casters are allowed Wands of Fireball. 3614. Also: Shooting fireballs at the engine does not help 3615. Nor does shooting fireballs at our crew 3616. You may not tell people that delayed blast fireballs are really candy. I still can't get the chunks out of my coat... 3617. Magic Missle is NOT to be used as a fly swatter 3618. Bards and Sorcs are not allowed to say "I'm so sexy reality bends around me" 3619. Nor can Sorcs say "Soccerors do it more times per day" 3620. No taunting the Wizard by saying "Oh, Mr. Feeblemind, cant remember your own spells with out a book?" 3621. We keelhaul dual scimitar weilding drow on sight. 3622. We keelhaul kender twice 3623. We don't let kobold psions on the ship... 3624. You CAN NOT worship Pun Pun 3625. The artificer cannot make febreeze 3626. Or Sunny D 3627. There is no cleric domain of "Min/Maxxery" or "Twinkery" 3628. You cannot make fun of the Book of Exhalted Deeds as the "Handbook for booring losers" 3629. Too loudly 3630. Michael is no longer allowed to use the Book of Vile Darkness as a guide to having "A damn good time" 3631. The first one to make a joke about going down Jaela's chimmeny gets the keel and salt rubbed in their wounds. 3632. You cannot paint the bottom of the ship with the following:

Smoking monkeys giving the finger *Looks squarly at Michael* As cool as it is, we just can't
A "Half sized model" of the "Trouser Titan" *Sighs at Doog*
Lewd pictures of Jaela *Half the crew...*
Wanted ads for ladies of the night *Most all of the crew*
Pictures advertising the cat girl, along with hourly rates *We have hand outs for a reason!*
Bull's Eyes 
"Our captain sucks!"

3633. It shall forever remain as the Batman symbol! 3634. Don't ask why! 3635. Pholly will figure out the alchemy thing. 3636. Under penalty of death. 3637. The crew will stop singing the song "Pholly, the redshirt peon" 3638. While he is in the room. 3639. The wizard will refrain from casting Evard's Black Tentacles in the captains latrine. 3640. Then at least stop casting it 5 times in one day. 3641. I must not Clone Santa Claus. 3642. Forget the traditional milk and cookies. This year Santa wants a beer and the catgirl. 3643. I am not allowed to use a Helm of opposite alignment on Santa. 3644. Though the captain is a bit of a blockhead, his name is not Charlie Brown. 3645. None of us are 'the famous Wolrd War I flying ace', and our nemesis is not 'the Red Baron'. 3646. We are not the cast of Lost. 3647. If we were, I would certainly not be Locke.... 3648. Despite being crazy, wanting domination over the island, and probably having lived an office drone life before being a captain. 3649. Marish is not Kate despite being a crimminal every guy on the isla...err ship wants. 3650. V is not Sawyer because everyone hates him.... 3651. Especially given the fact V is an anarchist wanted in every single nation on Eberron. 3652. Speaking of which, V will refrain from making grandiose entrances next to Gargoyles on rooftops 3653. Yes, HE'S THE GUY WHOSE NOT BATMAN. 3654. Lisa is not Ana Lucia despite being the woman that no one likes. 3655. We're not castaways because we haven't crashed the airship... 3656. ...this month. 3657. Ketler only wishes he was a Hobbit looking basist for Drive Shaft.... 3658. Which is not a dirty name for a band. 3659. ...Even if he's addicted to Dreamlily. 3660. Pholly is not Hurley because....err.....ummmm.... 3661. Michael is not Sayid because he's the only one who can seemingly accomplish things with our preferred device (the sword) 3662. V is forbidden from attempting to rid the world of all Evil. 3663. Especially since that might remind Lisa that it should start with this boat. 3664. It is wrong to sell the kindly dwarf lady to lonely Mror Hold slavers. 3665. Even if they are her family. 3666. The Lord of Blades will not transform himself into a hand crossbow. 3667.Nor a battle wagon 3668.Or a T-Rex 3669.or even a dragon. 3670. The crew will refrain of edition the numbers to make the captin look bad 3671. Anyone who does so will be used to clean the paint off the ship 3672. I have a headband of detect thoughts, I know what you are thinking 3673. You may not even think about the Pontiff 3674. Ewwww....... 3675.Yes, the airship does radiate overpowering evil. 3676. No, it is not my fault. 3677. The artifcer will refrain from expeimenting in new kinds of elemental binding. 3678. Especialy vacume elemental in the tolets 3679. And as soon as the healer has fixed me up to i can walk again, the vacuumised toilet that WAS made will be dismatled!

3680 She says I'll still be able to procreate.

3681 YES that is a good thing!! Who said that!! 3682. You are not allowed to convince people you are a Kalashthar by simply not wearing a shirt.

3683. You are not allowed to use a decanter of endless water to hold a wet t-shirt contest.

3684. Do not fabricate several hundred alchemist fires in a minor creationed glass sphere and leave it somewhere until the glass ceaces to exist.

3685. Do not attempt the above with acid.

3686. Especially not in places crowded with people we don't want to kill...yet.

3687. Do not attempt the above with catnip and in Marish's room.

3688. No one is allowed to graft, or commission the grafting of, fire elementals to sharks to give them laser vision.

3689. There is a spoon, but we damn well won't tell the cooky where it is, its a murlonds spoon, the kind that makes endless gruel...

3670. You will not use the spell "alter memory" to make the captain think something happened with Vol.

3671. Do not bomb Aurala. it's just going to make her angry. 3672. Do not mention blood at every oportunity in front of Kaius. He'll just look at you quizzically. 3673. We are not having roast Fastieth for dinner tonight; the halfling will be angry at loosing his pet.

3674: You may not bind elementals in hollow spheres painted red and white and call them Pokeballs.

3675: And even if you do, throwing them won't make them come out.

3676. Trollgut does not, make a good rope. It does however make an excellent bungee cord.

3677. Trollgut is not the best dental floss around

3678. In the UNLIKLY event we get invited to/ crash a costume party you may not show up to any noble's costume party in the guise of

3679. The trowser titan

3680. Evil outsiders

3681. Pontiffs

3682. Those Flamer Palidins (And NO pink swords!!)

3683. Any royals we hate

3684. The captian

3685. Dead versions of people you dislike

3686. ESPECIALLY if they are the ones hosting said party

3687. Batman

3688. The warforged

3689. Mr. T

3690. Running around and cussing out people in Abyssal, while funny, is no longer permited after a certain crewman did this in the presence of both the said pontif and Flamer Palidins.

3691. No rituals will be attempted to grant the Trouser Titan "fiendish potency". This goes double when you get the idea from some guy named "Dusty".

3692. Until further notice, making moonshine is forbidden. 3694. Mainly because Pholly keeps using the stills to make his alchemical crap. 3695. The warforged is NOT a distillery. 3696. His name is NOT Jack Daniels. 3697. The ninja is not named Hong Kong Phooey.

3698. there are no such thing as pokemon

3699. or "asian battle monsters"

3700. if there was one it would not be called pikachu

3701. or Ling-Ling

3702. if they existed they would not come from Rierda

3703. because Rierda is not asia

3704. if they existed they would be twisted and insane creations of the Delkyr

3705. created to take of the minds of prepubescent children across Eberron

3706. wait a second, Jeala is...

3707. whaterver you were about to suggest is not allowed

3708. Aurla is not Barbra Streisand

3709. even if her singing really is that bad

3710. her goal is not to find the the Diamond of Pantios

3711. so that she can become mecha Streisand

3712. if she did Leonard Maltin, Sidney Poitier, and Robert Smith will not show up to stop her

3713. you will not combine the control light power and darkvision just so you can say "I'm Batman".

3714. We control the horizontal. 3715. We control the vertical. 3716. We are in deep trouble. 3717. I am not allowed to get Santas reindeer drunk on Christmas eve. 3718. I am not allowed to spike Jaelas Egg Nog. 3719. I am not allowed to doctor Jaelas candy cane. 3720. I am not allowed to spike the captains egg nog. 3721. But, what the hell, Ill do it anyway.

3722. You may not blame things you do on purpose by saying "... but the Draconic Prophecy made me do it!"

3723. The mages amongst the crew will stop writing 'I have prepared explosive runes this morning' in the bottom of my coffee mug.

3724. Or on the back of the loo door.

3725. Tying squishy with troll gut doesn't make it a yo-yo.

3726. Tying people with troll gut then kicking them into the air to get slammed back onto the ground even harder, or to get bounced back into the air via the boot, is prohibited.

3727. Unless I'm invited.

3728. And not the poor sap who gets kicked.

3729. New punishment : Any one caught messing with the kids new rocking horse will be tied to the keel with a long trollgut rope. The ship will then travel at full speed at low altitude for as long as I damned please. Then it will come to a complete stop, very abruptly. This will be repeated until we need the rope.

3730. Hey wait minute when did the kid get a new rocking horse i thought this christmas thing happened on the 25th.

3731. Marrish found the presents didn't she.

3732. It is not acceptable to use Pholly and low-altitude flying to test how springy troll guts are.

3733. No, nor any other punching-bag crew member.

3734. And certainly not me.

3735. What are you doing with the little old dwarf lady? Knock it off!

3736. Do not disturb casters while they're preparing spells by shouting "Use the Force!"

3737. None of Eberron's moons are actually space stations.

3738. The warforged is not versed in millions of forms of communication. Usually, we're lucky to get him to use any form that isn't 'hitting it'.

3738: Do not cast invisibility on a blood spiker and place it in the following locations: The privy, the captain's chair, or anyplace else the captain is likely to sit.

3739: There will be no blessing or cursing of the ship's drinking water to make holy or unholy water.

3740: The above rule is abridged in the following extenuating circumstances, lots of undead want to hurt us, lots of fiends want to hurt us, lots of celestials want to hurt us.

3741: You can't count the ship's necromancer's undead as "undead that want to hurt us".

3742: No reading aloud from strange books in a language you can't understand, but an alphabet you can read.

3743: Explosive Runes shall not be cast upon pieces of post to other crew members or people who we don't want to further **** off.

3744: There will be no tricking of new crewmembers that there is a cover charge to eat in the galley...unless the captain gets a cut.

3745: Hand of the Mage is not a toy.

3746: No selling fake Pontiff hats.

3747. I do not have "Powers of Aetheism" 3748. My archnemesis is not Jaela. 3749. Even though she wouldnt mind slapping me around once or twice. 3750. I will not make any joke to the necromancer chick invovling the words bone, bones, or boned. 3751. She still has the (reanimated) remains of the last person to try that. 3752. The captain already knows we are a bunch of cretinous yahoos. 3753. But its still fun to point it out and watch him melt down. 3754. I must not ask Marrish for a 'warm, fuzzy' feeling. 3755. I must not hassle Marrish about not shaving her legs. 3756. I must not mention the Noodle Incident.

3757: I will not use donkeys with blast disks in the saddle bags as a medieval terrorist car bomber. 3758: Shouting 'lets do this. LEEEEEROY JENKINS.' is not allowed. Especially when you have been planning the attack for the last half hour.

3758: Do not tie troll guts to the elemental ring. 3759: Just because it's springy doesn't mean that troll guts are harmless. 3760: Do not sell tickets to kids and tie a slip knot around them with troll guts. On top of that you will not push said kids off of a tall building or airship. 3761: Even if I'm allowed to watch. 3762: Do not cast sepia snake sigil on the " Welcome to Sharn!" sign. 3763: The Necromancer will not try to sacrifice Pholly or the halfling to gain power over the realm of flesh. 3764: The Blackguard will not mail alcohol of any sort to the pontiff. That underage drinking scandal was a bit much... 3765: Never offer the warforged a "hurts donut". It's just really dumb. 3766: Doog will not ask the necromancer for a graft that improves the "trouser titan's" performance. 3767: We do not have an "Amoire of Invincibility" 3768: The Trust should not just be killed on principle. 3769: Marish will stop threatening to teach me about "feral pleasures"; I'm not sure I want to know. It sounds painful.

3770: repeat mage hands dont go there or feel that. 3771: do not cast revers gravety on the poop deck. 3772: or on the letrins 3773: do not cast fire ball on the ship you will be kellhald 3774: do NOT cast spells with fire magic in or on the ship 3775: DO NOT NOT cast iviblilety and then goint the grilslocker room. 3776: Al let the necro chick find a punishment for you and you may die. 3777: what the necro chick dos with the men zobies is her bissness. 3778: dont even go there. 3779: hay what are you doing with the necro chick (barff) 3780: You will now tare my eyes out.

3781. I must not give the necro chick a 'wet willie' 3782. I am not allowed to give one to the paladin chick, either. 3783. Marish seems to like them a bit too much. 3784. Its a bit disturbing, actually. 3785. House Sivis is not ComStar.

3786. In the future, I will no longer participate in conspiracy murder against the Cardinals of Flamekeep. 3787. Even though I am a warforged and seen as property in Thrane, and thus cannot be charged personally for the crimes. 3788. If I am personally responsible for a worldwide tsunami that devastates every costal region and plunges the Eberron into incredible recession spurring the resumption of the Last War, I will say I am sorry. Not hide the evidence from the rest of the crew while whistling nonchalantly.

3789. You cannot sunder the ship

3790. You cannot sunder the warforged

3791. You cannot sunder the Chain o' Command

3792. You cannot sunder the pontiff's hat

3793. Sundering Lisa's breastplate is suicidal. Do so at your own risk

3974. But let the rest of us know ahead of time so we can watch!

3975. Sunder my hat and die

3976. Due to recent "incedents" Rods of Wonder are banned

3977. And keelhaul worthy.

3978. And we're keelhaulling the rhinos along with you!

3979. The latrines do NOT have spheres of anhilation in them! We're still saving up for that.

3980. The truth is we dump them out while in flight

3981. There is no way in hell I'm telling you where the dump lever is!

3982. For the love of the Six, DONT point out missing rules to the captain. 3983. His nerves cant take much more of this. 3984. Its only a coincidence that the clerics curing potions all have "Buckley's" on the lablels. (Canadians know about this stuff.) 3985. Yes, the horrid taste is a subtle form of revenge. 3986. No, you cant trick King Kaius into doing shots of the stuff. 3987. Boranal, on the other hand, is dumb enough to try anything. 3988. Exept for Vol. He isnt quite that stupid. 3989. Until further notice, you are not allowed to spit over the railing. 3990. I wont send the Lords of Dust bags of kitty litter for Christmas, this year. 3991. They arent to fond of us to begin with. 3992. I will stop spiking the captains food with dreamlilly. 3993. Eventually.

---

3790. Shouting SONIC BOOM at me will not shoot a blast that will kill me.

3791. Or reduce my lifebar by 20%.

3792. nor will "Hadokken!"

3793. I will shoot you if you leap in the air and shout "Shoryuken!"

3794. *BANG*

3795. Now that Bruce Ki is dea....

"I'm not quite dead yet."

3796. *BANG*

3797. Getting back to business. With....

"You shot me! You shot me in the arm!"

3798. Oh for Flame's sake...Doog some help here with Vera? V? Michael? Yes...take those bats.

"Ki healing has almost healed me of my wounds. I am alive...but very badly burned."

3799. Now you will see a demonstration of what I like to call Martian Law.

• WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK* *WHACK*

3800. Now that is resolved....

"Don't...you mean...Martial...Law?"

3801. Sir Demos...Sir Phobus....beat Ki's ass some more.

• WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM* *WHAM*

3802. By the Flame Knights of Mars, I said SOME more. He's barely alive enough to kill.

3803. Now by the law of the Sacred Red Planet I am declaring this day to be JARLOT day and further myself to be married to Queen Aurala as well as Emperor of all Galifar, Sarlona, Xen'drick, and Argonessan. May all tremble before my mighty reign!

3804. No, all of these years in this hell hole surrounded by a crew that doesn't respect haven't driven me totally insane. Why do you ask?

3805. What mother? What? But I don't want to kill them!

3806. Of course my mother is here. I'm talking to her right now.

3807. I told you I'd shoot you old *****! Why didn't you believe me! WHYYYYY!?

---

3813. For you, meeting Captain Jarlot was the most important day of your life. For Captain Jarlot, it was Tuesday.

3814. Every Jarlot Dollar I print up in my printing press today will be worth 5 Brelish Sovereigns once we've kidnapped their King.

3815. I think the Food Court should be bigger in Jarlotopolis.

3816. I hoped to face The Lord of Blades face-to-face on the battlefield, where we could engage each other in respectful combat. Then I would snap his spine. But why? Why do they still call me a warlord? And mad? All I want to do is to create the perfect warforged soldier. Not for power, not for evil, but for good. Stupid will be the first of thousands. They will march out of my laboratory and crush every adversary, every creed, every nation! Until the world is in the loving grip of the Pax Jarlotia. And peace will reign and all humanity will bow to me in humble gratitude.

Stupid "That was beautiful sir."

3817. Stupid is also promoted to ruler of Breland when the Revolution comes.

3818. YES, the REVOLUTION THAT WILL BE SOON!

3819. Ketler I command you to build me a laser gun on the moon! I shall call it...a DEATH STAR!

"Right Darth."

3820. Why do I want a Death Star? To blow up Eberron of course!

"Why do we want to blow up Eberron? Where we live."

3821. Silence Varlat! I'm doing the talking here! Build me a machine that will make diamonds!

"I thought you wanted a Death Star."

3822. Now I want both!

3823. Preperation A through G were complete failures but Preperation H is a success!

3824. Why is everyone talking about the Gellatinous Cube in the bathroom now?

3825. Why would we codename Preperation H Operation Ice cream?

3826. Oh you didn't say Ice cream.

3827. Isn't the number of the garbage compactor is and R2 can't save Luke in time!

3828. NO I don't expect you to talk! I EXPECT YOU TO DIE!

3829. BEHOLD MY NEWEST WAR MACHINE! 10,000 CLONED JAELAS!

3808. Did they tell you why you were sent to terminate my command?

3809. So they said that I'd gone irrevocably insane did they?

3810. You're not a soldier. You're a messanger boy filling our a grocery list.

3811. And you don't see any method do you? HA!

3812. The drums....the DRUMMMMSSSSS

3830. Do not make fun of the captain's madness, if you want to live.

3831. There will be no further attempts to drive him sane through means that would drive a sane person mad. Examples: Spells to induce insanity, leaving him in the mad wood of Areanel, or making him look into a scrying pool keyed to Xoriat.

3832. A fortnight's extra pay to the crewman who can think of an ethical way to deal with the clone Jaela situation.

3833. Keel hauling will be the punishment for those of you to say what I know you're thinking in regards to the previous rule.

3834. Making the captain dress in a pink frilly tu tu is forbidden while he is insane.

3835. While he is asleep he still counts as being insane, in regards to the previous ruling.

3836. The cooky is not allowed to use a dessicating weapon to make jerky...again...there are still broken jaws left over from the last time.

3839. You cant take soul credit for the captain's madness- It was a team effort, so we all deserve the glory

3840. Selling tickets to the see the captain being crazy for 5 silver a pop is banned

3841. Its one gold a ticket!

3842. JAELA'S FOR ALL!!! YAY!!!!

3843. Due to the captains poor health, Michael's weekly mutany plans will be postponed until further notice. It just isnt as funny without him...

3844. Even though he is crazy now, we cant convince the captain he is Batman

3845. But it would be cool if he split up like Two Face!

3846. Kettler! Fetch the acid!

3847. We are going to at least ATTEMPT to cure Captain Jarlot.

3848. But not until we milk this for all its worth

3849. If the captain asks about these additions to the list, blame the warforged

3850. After a relaxing stay in Arkham Asylum in Gotham City....oh what was that? Sorry, Sharn, I am fully capable of resuming my duties as Captain.

3851. Hehehehe...the fools. Do they not realize I have gazed into the Abyss that has granted me the power of the Dragon Below and shall consume all in a storm of wrath and HELLFIRE?

3852. Hahahaha...and even better the Dragon Below doesn't realize that I have made a deal with Siberys to conquer reality after defeating her foes!

3853. And after that...Here I come Eberron!

3854. What do you mean turning my back doesn't mean you can't hear me?

3855. SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE! PEOPLE!

3856. Oh yes, and the first duty on this ship is to point out that I should have pointed out those Jaela Clones are programmed to invincible ninjas who flip out and kill people for no reason?

3857. Huh, 90% of the crew dead huh? Tough. Newlyweds and everything.

3858. Oh yes and I've selected this to be our new mast.

3859. Why yes its the head of a Daelkyr, why?

3860. Oh, you're wondering where I got it? Well....honestly I don't know. Probably something to do with causing the Day of Mourning.

3861. Ignore my confession to that.

3862. In any case, Number 1...ENGAGE.

3863. What do you mean we don't have Warp Drive?

3864. I forbid you from installing one? Damnit! I unforbid it!

3865. In any case, where are all your people's cybernetics? What if Mister Johnson calls?

3866. Oh sorry, I thought we were playing Shadowrun.

3867. Now Now Ninja Jaela. It's not nice to stab V for being a pirate. I don't care if Pirates and Ninjas are mortal enemies.

3868. Jaela Ninja is forbidding from exercising her REAL ULTIMATE POWERZ

3869. That includes her insane anime like cuteness.

3870. Now, we have a new game Citizens. I call it...PARANOIA! I, the All Powerful Captain will give each and every one of the crew his own disintegrator gun and the crew complete authority to kill any other crew member as you see fit.

3871. ....That pretty much turned out like I expected. Thank God I made spare clones of everyone.

3872. By the way, a commendation to Doog who figured out that my insanity was caused by the Dreaming Dark and lured the Quori in question into Stupid where the sheer mindlessness of the Warforged utterly destroyed him. Have any words for us Stupid.

"I like Swords."

3873. Our new god also is Doctor Swordopolis....

3874. Not to be confused with Doctor Who whom was our old God.

3875. Yes, I'm aware Ketler that he's just "The Doctor" and Doctor Who is just the shows name.

3876. Yes, I also know it was only the Doctor's TARDIS that has repeatedly prevented the destruction of Eberron due to our efforts....

3877. No, I don't know who will protect us from the Bloody Daleks if we convert.

3878. There will be no singing the Dalek song before they convert us...

http://artistic-insanity.net/song/daleksong.html

3879. I mean it Ketler!

3880. The Captain is your friend *exterminates Ketler and replaces him with a clone*

3881. From now on our enemies onboard this ship will be clearly defined. Anybody more powerful than us including demons, angels, gods, daelkyr, The Emerald Claw, The Dreaming Dark, the Quori, The Lords of Dust, Cardinal Kronzen, Queen Aurala whom IS a Wicked Witch we found out, El Diablo Robotica, Communists, the Children of Winter, Megatron, Orcus, Bane and Cyric if we ever crossover with Forgotten Realms, Jay and Silent Bob our ex-crew members, the University of Morgraive, Jackie Chan, the color Green, the Korranberg Chronicler, archwizards, nobility, and the Grimus.

3882. The Grimus is the lovable purple friend of Ronald McDonald for your question Ketler-02.

3883. Yes, it's more powerful than the Tarrasque.

3884. To another Ketler-02 question, if the communist is a hot redheaded Soviet Spy we can in fact mark her off the enemy category.

3885. Yes, Batman can beat up Daredevil to settle this age old arguement between Ketler and V.

3886. The Monk is forbidden from making the noise "WOH PAH" every time he hits someone.

3887. The Monk cannot be a Jedi.

3888. Ninja Jaela is forbidden from ending the flirtations of crew by throwing down a smoke ball and disappearing....

3889. Even if I would too under the circumstances.

3900. The Lyrandar Storm Druid/Master of Many Forms is not a "Humanoid Typhoon"

3901. The artifacer does not have a homunculous named "Crow" 3902. Neither does he have one named "Tom Servo" 3903. He is not allowed to make them, either. 3904. Yeah, were doomed. 3905. And we are royally screwed, too. 3906. The blackguard is forbidden from making a nightclub called "The Succubus Club". 3907. Unless the captain is on the VIP list. 3908. And King Kaius can drop by. 3909. And Vol, too, I guess. 3910. We are not allowed to bungee jump over a live volcano. 3911. We may not mount a 'dashboard cam' in the ship. 3912. I am not allowed to make 'less than lethal' alchemists fire. 3913. Im not allowed to make 'super lethal' alchemists fire, either. 3914. In fact, I should stop making alchemists fire all together. 3915. I am not allowed to replace the bards lute with a Ukelele. 3916. I am not allowed to replace the fighters greatsword with a Swiss Army knife. 3917. I am not allowed to replace the captain with a sock puppet. 3918. Even if it is a better leader.

3919. Our new gods are now: Jay and Silent Bob, Banjo, Banjulu, Jimi Hendrix, Batman, Guybrush Threepwood (Who is the god of mighty pirates), Beavis and Butthead, Red Mage, and Abe Lincolon.

3920. Yes, the captain had a little breakdown. 3921. No, you canot claim to have done it. 3922. No, you cant claim to have bribed the Quori to do it. 3923. Yes, he is recovering. 3924. Rumors that he is being 'tended to' by Marish are false. 3925. Well, not totally false. 3926. Okay, okay. Shes giving him 'sexual healing'. 3927. No, you cant help. 3928. In the interim, the crew will be led by.....umm....by..... 3929. Okay, we have a problem, now. 3930. No, there will be no grand melee to decide whos the new captain. 3931. Bribery is legal, though. 3932. Pholly is NOT the new ships captain. 3933. Hes just here for comic relief. 3934. Michael is not the ships captain. 3935. Hes just here for the booze. 3936. And the money. 3937. And the women. 3938. And to raise a ruckus. 3939. Michael is the interim captain. 3940. Gods help us all. 3941. Or at least the ones we havent alienated.

3942: When challenging the Lich Queen Vol, it is not appriopriate to para-phrase Dr. Dre, claiming "Liches ain't $#!+ but hos and tricks..."

3943: Never accidently call a kobold "Dear".

3944: Your warforged is not made of 40% dolomite.

3945: Or titanium.

3946: When your warforged is in a bad mood, he is not "acting very aluminum".

3947: Even if he is.

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